Question: "What does the Bible say about dealing with difficult people?" Answer:Our
response to difficult people should center around the examples provided by
Jesus, for He surely dealt with many difficult people during His time here on
earth. His interactions with these people was never with an attitude of
superiority or dominance, but rather one of subservience. In the Sermon on the
Mount Jesus was quite specific: “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies,
do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who
mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.
If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to
everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand
it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you (Luke 6: 27-31).”
We also see a related statement by Jesus in Matthew 19:30: “But many who are
first will be last, and many who are last will be first.” This is a very
difficult assignment, and it is certainly not something we can do on our own or
in our own power. Yet it is not impossible if we seek the Lord’s help, because
power from the Holy Spirit will enable us to do things we could never do on our
own. In so doing, however, it is important to recall the admonition given by
the apostle Paul in Romans 12:3: “For by the grace given me I say to every one
of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think
of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God
has given you.” When we succeed in dealing with difficult people with a
Christ-like attitude, it is never a cause for pride or self-aggrandizement; it
is an occasion to praise the God who makes all things possible through Christ,
who strengthens and empowers us (Philippians 4:13).
Some advice similar to that of the Luke passages, and just as difficult, is
given by Paul to the Christians in Philippi, when he tells them to “Do nothing
out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better
than yourselves” (Philippians 2: 3-4). Furthermore, Proverbs 12:16 tells us
that “A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an
insult.” Chapter 13 of Paul’s letter to the Corinthians contains a description
of true Christian love—it is to be patient and kind (v. 4).
Putting all this together, the way to deal with difficult people is to love
them, pray for them, expect to give rather than to receive, maintain a humble
spirit, and relate to them in patience and kindness. But more important is the
need to pray for the Spirit’s power to change our own hearts and minds toward
the difficult person and enable us to see them as needing the same love, grace
and mercy that God extended toward us. Jesus even forgave the men who were
going to kill him, as related in Luke 23:34-39. The way to deal with difficult
people, then, is to imitate Christ’s humility and love. That kind of response
is both edifying to us and pleasing to the Lord.
